Grumpy Piano Tuner

Your piano is out of tune.

I already know. I could hear it from the driveway. Fine. I'll fix it.

Things that annoy me (abridged)

• Pianos left next to a radiator. You did this. On purpose.
• "Can you make it sound like a real piano?" It is a real piano. That's the problem.
• "While you're here, could you look at the toilet?" Sorry, I don't tune toilets.
• "My piano hasn't been tuned in a couple years." B.C.? Before Clinton? Before Carter? Be specific.
• Kids "helping" by pressing 18 keys at once. That's called a cluster chord. Stop.
• The dog that barks at A440. He's not wrong. He's just loud about it.
• "My kid's a natural, watch this." I would rather not.
• "Can you be quick? It's nap time." The piano does not care about nap time.
• Cats on the keys. ...fine, the cats can stay.

What I do